Dating Misadventures: Canine Chaos and the Quest to Quick Exit

I do not typically go on hiking dates for first dates, but I matched with a guy who claimed to be super into hiking. We chatted for a few days after matching and then he asked for my number. He seemed nice enough and I was sold when he said he wanted to bring his dog on the date. We planned to meet at the a trailhead that has options for a few different trails. I was chatting with my sister and looking at the baby geese as I waited for them. It was a windy and chilly Sunday morning and I was looking forward to starting the hike. 

We exchanged pleasantries and I met his dog, Moose. I chose the trail that I am most familiar with and we started our journey. Things were a bit awkward right off the bat, but I was determined to not be super judgmental. One mile into the hike he starts to tell me about his heavy weed use. I was like, "oh wow. That's so interesting". Then seconds later he says, "Well, I gotta wazz." Um sir, we had only been on the trail for a few minutes, you didn't use the bathroom before coming??? Also, gross, why would he say it like that? I texted my sister an S.O.S. and told her that I was not vibing with the guy. A few minutes after that his dog pooped and he didn't have any bags. He scooted it a bit off the trail but what kind of responsible dog owner doesn't have poop bags????? All I was feeling at that point was repulsion, but we still had a half mile to go. 

We continued walking and he started telling me about how much he hated his mom and called her all kinds of rude names. Then he said that his dad is currently in jail for domestic abuse against his mom. Again, I was trying to be nice, so I was said things like, "Wow that sounds really hard. Oh no, that sounds awful. Have you been to therapy?" 

We finally reached the second dam and I was hot-to-trot to turn around and get back to the cars. He was like, "Damn we can't look around for a second?" I grudgingly obliged and continued walking around the water. His dog was everywhere as he let him off leash about halfway through. The trail has multiple signs that say to keep dogs on leash, but apparently this guy thought he was above the rules. When he was finally ready to turn back he put the dog on the leash (thank god) and we started the trek back to the parking lot. As we were walking his dog kept pulling on the leash, the guy then proceeded to KICK the dog. I was horrified and a bit scared. Usually people put on their best face when they are on a first date, but not this guy. 

As we walked back the conversation turned to his dating life. He referred to the girls he has dated as "evil", "wicked", "bad", and "whores". I felt so uncomfortable and praised the LORD when I saw other people on the trail. He continued to blame all of his life problems on his mom, and showed his true colors as a woman-hater. My advising background kicked in and I asked a lot of guided questions to try to get him to the realization that he has control over his life, but alas, it did not register with this guy. I really should send this guy a bill for the hour and half therapy session I provided. 

By the grace of God we made pretty good time getting back to the trailhead. I was practically speed walking my way back. He started telling me about his financial woes after venting about his hatred for women. He said that he has never had a savings account and that he is really bad with money (surprise, surprise another thing he blames his mom for). He then says, "I only have $10 to my name and I don't get paid until tomorrow. I guess I am only going to be able to eat gas station snacks and buy a Monster to get me through the day. I hope my roommates girlfriend feeds me tonight." My only response was, "Oh wow. That sounds really tough. I am so sorry". When I called my sister right after the date ended she yelled, "What the hell!!!??? This man was fishing for you to buy his breakfast!!!!!!! Did he asked you for money??"

He asked me what I was looking for and I listed everything that he is not. I also made it clear that I am hung up on my ex-situationship (I'm not actually, but I wanted to make sure he knew that I have someone else). I only had a few minutes of talk-time so I talked about why Birthday Twin and I were perfect for each other. Again, not that I believed what I was saying, but just so I could make sure he thought I was hung up on my ex. I also hyped up the fact that I want to get a PhD and that I want someone motivated and driven to grow with. He told me that his life dream is to be a pot farmer in Northern California. 🙃

Another red flag: "I was a butcher for 8 years so I am realllll good at anatomy."