The Importance of Being Lauren

I have a love/hate relationship with NYC. Despite the many traumatic experiences I had while living there, there are still so many things I love. I miss the food, the walkability, the history, some of the people, and the energy of being in the city. Years ago when Hadestown first debuted, my friend Amelia saw it and loved it. Since then it’s been on my Broadway bucket list. My goal for my last NYC trip was to go see the musical on Broadway, however, we got so busy doing other things I wasn’t sure it was going to happen.  A day and a half before my flight home a miracle happened. Amelia and I were hanging out when she got a text message. The text message was in a church group chat and said “giving away a Hadestown ticket for free. Show starts in 45 minutes.” Amelia and I looked at each other and she immediately responded to the message.  Less than 5 minutes after that I was running (in heels) to the nearest subway station. I prayed the whole time that there would be no delays. ...

I moved to Tremonton this past weekend, and it came with a lot of changes. It marked the end of an era: no more living with roommates. Instead, it’s the beginning of something new, a step closer to marriage with my fiancé. We spent the past couple of days getting settled in. I unpacked everything in my craft room, spent time with my fiancé and his dog, and spent some time on Sunday relaxing. I saw a rainbow when I left for work this morning and it felt like a little reminder of my awesome weekend.  I can't be in the car without some kind of background noise, and since none of my favorite podcasts post before 7am on Mondays, I queued up the Jeremy Renner memoir I've been listening to. It's about his accident a few years back! I was locked in and cruising at about 60mph down the quiet backcountry road, heading toward the highway. Out of nowhere, a car coming from the opposite direction flashed its headlights at me. I was so confused. Was something wrong with my car? I immedia...

I follow A LOT of dating accounts on Instagram. I started following them after I realized that I have a lot of deficits in my knowledge about dating. It has been helpful in figuring out what my red flags (icks) are and correcting improper behaviors. As I noted in my last post I am terrible about ending things because I hate to be perceived as mean. I thought about all the guys that have ghosted me on the apps and I decided that I don't want to be that person.  I reached out to dates #11 and #12 today and wrote them heartfelt messages thanking them for the dates we went on but telling them that I don't think we are a match. Both responded right away and thanked me for letting them know. It felt like a relief to communicate and not lead them on. They are both really nice guys and I am grateful that I met them. As I have gone through my brief dating journey I have learned that I don't have to convince myself to like someone just because they like me. I know that the first date...

This summer has been a ton of fun! I did some traveling, started therapy again, and finally got the diagnoses I suspected for a long time.  The Best: Visiting friends and family in Houston, NYC, and Wyoming. While my trip to Houston was plagued by roaches, rats, and a city wide power outage, I still enjoyed time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and my childhood bestie (shoutout Mags). My mission companion and I explored Wyoming and South Dakota together. We haven't spent that much time together in almost 10 years. It was so nice to visit her and her family. It was such a relaxing weekend filled with new memories, funny quotes, hiking, and landmarks to mark off my bucket list.  NYC I went to visit my best friends before their baby comes on September 3rd. We spent time organizing and decluttering the apartment. I also got to see a few of my old coworkers. One of them had a baby a few months ago and it was so nice to hang out with him and his family.  Starting therapy an...

I took a short break from dating apps for a few weeks but I am back on the grind. I haven't been on a date since before my Wyoming trip in mid-June but heavens knows I have been talking to a lot of people. I know a lot of people say that dating is a numbers game but this is getting ridiculous. I have had 97 (as of 07/16) matches on Tinder since I redownloaded a week or so ago and I am trying to be proactive about messaging. Out of messaging 97 people I secured 1 date, have had consistent conversations with 7 guys, and been unmatched 5 times.  Actual footage of me clocking into my second full-time job messaging men on dating apps.  Date #11 was so nice. He took me to an ice cream place in Ogden and we walked around downtown while we ate and chatted. I got a chocolate and cherry flavor and he got something minty. It was a nice time. We talked about movies, school, and our cultural backgrounds. He called me out for taking forever to respond to text messages (to be fair, I am usua...

I lived in NYC during the pandemic. It was a very stressful time to be in the city, and I spent a lot of it completely alone. As the restrictions started getting lifted in mid 2022 I decided that it was time to try my hand at dating. My social anxiety had gotten so bad during my break from people and I had gained a ton of weight from stress eating. After catching COVID a few times I was sure that I had permanently destroyed my lungs, but I met a really nice guy on Hinge and we planned a hiking date in upstate New York. He was driving in from Jersey and I took the train up to Cold Springs from Manhattan. I was worried about not being able to hike because I had not engaged in physical activity outside of walking for at least a year. I guess I should have been more afraid of potentially getting murdered, and I was a bit but not enough to not go. The walk from the train to the trailhead winded me and I started to dread the meet up. We started chatting and walking and I needed breaks almost...

I started therapy again about two weeks ago. I have had really terrible anxiety for years and very recently experienced a depressive episode that lasted 1.5 years due to extreme burnout. I have always been an overachiever and being in a prolonged depressive state was very difficult for me. I ended up gaining 40 pounds during this period and hit my highest weight ever, 280 pounds. It was bad. My mental and physical health was deteriorating and I was generally unwell.   After taking control of my physical health again post-surgery (May 2023) I felt my mental health improving as well. My new job has been mentally stimulating and I feel fulfilled at work. I also started making plans with my post-work time. I exercise, spend time with friends and family, hike, take classes, volunteer, read, and do fun craft projects. My therapist's notes identify me as a "well-rounded person".   Post-situationship I realized that my mental health was not where it needs to be to engage in ...

Boy oh boy do I love a spreadsheet! I have a spreadsheet for many things in my life so I decided to create one for my dating life.  The data below includes information from the last 10 dates I've been on (which just so happens to be all the dates I've been on in my adult life). I have been slacking on my two date monthly minimum but I am working on making up for lost time.  My new hobby may result in quarterly updates. I am excited to see the data change over time!  In all seriousness, the real reason I made the spreadsheet is to do some reflection on myself and my approach to dating. I am tracking my behavior, the interactions post date, interesting things I learned about the person, and notes on my own approach to dating. This spreadsheet is a tool for improvement! As a perfectionist I have made it my mission to crack the code on dating and become the world’s best potential girlfriend (kidding). I also want to show my future partner the absolute dating shit show I have ...

I have been crushing on a guy from the work gym for 2 years now. I see him almost every day because we always park next to each other. I have seen him on multiple dating apps but we have never matched (which should have been my first sign that he is not interested in me). A while back I wet on an intense deep-dive into his life. On this deep dive I accidentally uncovered his freshman year of college Prezi online. (oopies)  Anyway, I think he is so cute and I like that we both have similar educational backgrounds, we both workout, and he is gainfully employed. I have been too nervous to talk to him for the last 2 years but an event occurred in the parking garage in February and I had my in.  Setting the scene: It was an bright and early Tuesday morning. It may have been slushy outside but I don't remember. I pull into my usual spot in the parking garage (backed in by the pole). After backing up I look at my phone for a second and then I heard a sickening crunch. I look up quick...