The Importance of Being Lauren

I started therapy again about two weeks ago. I have had really terrible anxiety for years and very recently experienced a depressive episode that lasted 1.5 years due to extreme burnout. I have always been an overachiever and being in a prolonged depressive state was very difficult for me. I ended up gaining 40 pounds during this period and hit my highest weight ever, 280 pounds. It was bad. My mental and physical health was deteriorating and I was generally unwell.   After taking control of my physical health again post-surgery (May 2023) I felt my mental health improving as well. My new job has been mentally stimulating and I feel fulfilled at work. I also started making plans with my post-work time. I exercise, spend time with friends and family, hike, take classes, volunteer, read, and do fun craft projects. My therapist's notes identify me as a "well-rounded person".   Post-situationship I realized that my mental health was not where it needs to be to engage in a hea

Boy oh boy do I love a spreadsheet! I have a spreadsheet for many things in my life so I decided to create one for my dating life.  The data below includes information from the last 10 dates I've been on (which just so happens to be all the dates I've been on in my adult life). I have been slacking on my two date monthly minimum but I am working on making up for lost time.  My new hobby may result in quarterly updates. I am excited to see the data change over time!  In all seriousness, the real reason I made the spreadsheet is to do some reflection on myself and my approach to dating. I am tracking my behavior, the interactions post date, interesting things I learned about the person, and notes on my own approach to dating. This spreadsheet is a tool for improvement! As a perfectionist I have made it my mission to crack the code on dating and become the world’s best potential girlfriend (kidding). I also want to show my future partner the absolute dating shit show I have gone t

I have been crushing on a guy from the work gym for 2 years now. I see him almost every day because we always park next to each other. I have seen him on multiple dating apps but we have never matched (which should have been my first sign that he is not interested in me). A while back I wet on an intense deep-dive into his life. On this deep dive I accidentally uncovered his freshman year of college Prezi online. (oopies)  Anyway, I think he is so cute and I like that we both have similar educational backgrounds, we both workout, and he is gainfully employed. I have been too nervous to talk to him for the last 2 years but an event occurred in the parking garage in February and I had my in.  Setting the scene: It was an bright and early Tuesday morning. It may have been slushy outside but I don't remember. I pull into my usual spot in the parking garage (backed in by the pole). After backing up I look at my phone for a second and then I heard a sickening crunch. I look up quickly an

I do not typically go on hiking dates for first dates, but I matched with a guy who claimed to be super into hiking. We chatted for a few days after matching and then he asked for my number. He seemed nice enough and I was sold when he said he wanted to bring his dog on the date. We planned to meet at the a trailhead that has options for a few different trails. I was chatting with my sister and looking at the baby geese as I waited for them. It was a windy and chilly Sunday morning and I was looking forward to starting the hike.  We exchanged pleasantries and I met his dog, Moose. I chose the trail that I am most familiar with and we started our journey. Things were a bit awkward right off the bat, but I was determined to not be super judgmental. One mile into the hike he starts to tell me about his heavy weed use. I was like, "oh wow. That's so interesting". Then seconds later he says, "Well, I gotta wazz." Um sir, we had only been on the trail for a few minute