New York Story: "Quick, Call 311"

I absolutely loved my first NYC apartment. The kitchen was amazing, there was a ton of space to host events, we had laundry in unit, and the apartment got a ton of natural light. Plus, I lived with some of my favorite roommate of all time there. As much as I loved it, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. We lived above a "phone store" that moonlighted as a weed dispensary (not legal), and people were constantly smoking pot outside our windows. 

Another issue with the area was the cars that parked on our street. Typically the parked cars were just an eyesore, but one day Satan parked his car on our street to torment the whole neighborhood. His car had the loudest and most high pitched car alarm I have ever heard. It also had a recorded voice that said "caution this car is protected by a sniper" at the end of it's song. Annoying, yes, however, it gets worse. The alarm system was incredibly sensitive. It would start if someone walked past it, or if there were loud noises, or sometimes when the wind blew trash past it. Needless to say, it was constantly going off. 

My roommate, Ashley, and I had the room facing the street so we heard the car at all times of the day and night. I have outlined the experience by day and used GIFs to illustrate.

Stage 1, Day 1: "Guys! I don’t really hear it as long as I am not paying attention... And I have my noise cancelling headphones on." 

Stage 2, Day 2: Wow that’s a bit annoying. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it.  

Stage 3, Day 3: This alarm might be the most annoying thing on earth. This is torturous. I must have done something terrible in my last life to deserve this torment.

Stage 4, Day 4: Maybe it's not Satan's car, maybe the Lord is teaching me patience. I can learn this hard lesson. Wait, maybe I should leave a sticky note for the owner. I'll make sure it's not rude or passive aggressive at all.

Stage 5, Day 5: I freaking swear, if this van keeps me awake for one more night, I’m going full Beyoncé Lemonade on its ass. I will buy a yellow dress and a baseball bat, dammit.

Stage 6, Day 5 Evening: I had a dream about confronting the owner. I was afraid for my life, but I went OFF on him. Then at 3am Ashley and I woke up to the alarm again. I told her about the dream and then I said, “You know what, life is not worth living right now anyway, so bring it on. I'm ready to fight this guy.”

Stage 6, Day 6: My 6th day with no sleep. Omg I f*cking hate that car. I have been up every hour of the night for the past few days. If I don’t get reprieve soon I might go insane. I can’t stand it, I need to sleep. I made sure to walk past the van on my way to work on Monday. I whispered to the car, "Fu** you, car." While I flipped it off and considered the effectiveness of kicking it.

Stage 7, Day 6 Evening: "Omg. Ashley and Amelia, do you hear that? There's no noise. Oh my gosh!!! I haven’t heard it in a few minutes. We are free!" *Car alarm starts again to seconds later* I cried out, "NOPE I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!! I am calling 311 RIGHT NOW." *calls 311*

I waited a few minutes to get connected to a representative on the non-emergency report line. The 311 guy laughed when I told him about the alarm. Then he said, “Sorry that was rude, I’ve just never heard an alarm say that before”. I was bit salty about the whole situation and I said, “Believe me, I thought it was a funny at first, but I have been hearing it every few minutes for days. I don't think it's funny anymore.” 

Anyway, so I filed the report under "excessive beeping and parking in the same spot for more than 24-hours". When I got home from work the next day the car was gone. I think it got towed. I think I should feel bad about it. However, I was able to get a full night of sleep Tuesday night sooooo, I have no regrets.