The Importance of Being Lauren

I follow A LOT of dating accounts on Instagram. I started following them after I realized that I have a lot of deficits in my knowledge about dating. It has been helpful in figuring out what my red flags (icks) are and correcting improper behaviors. As I noted in my last post I am terrible about ending things because I hate to be perceived as mean. I thought about all the guys that have ghosted me on the apps and I decided that I don't want to be that person.  I reached out to dates #11 and #12 today and wrote them heartfelt messages thanking them for the dates we went on but telling them that I don't think we are a match. Both responded right away and thanked me for letting them know. It felt like a relief to communicate and not lead them on. They are both really nice guys and I am grateful that I met them. As I have gone through my brief dating journey I have learned that I don't have to convince myself to like someone just because they like me. I know that the first date

I took a short break from dating apps for a few weeks but I am back on the grind. I haven't been on a date since before my Wyoming trip in mid-June but heavens knows I have been talking to a lot of people. I know a lot of people say that dating is a numbers game but this is getting ridiculous. I have had 97 (as of 07/16) matches on Tinder since I redownloaded a week or so ago and I am trying to be proactive about messaging. Out of messaging 97 people I secured 1 date, have had consistent conversations with 7 guys, and been unmatched 5 times.  Actual footage of me clocking into my second full-time job messaging men on dating apps.  Date #11 was so nice. He took me to an ice cream place in Ogden and we walked around downtown while we ate and chatted. I got a chocolate and cherry flavor and he got something minty. It was a nice time. We talked about movies, school, and our cultural backgrounds. He called me out for taking forever to respond to text messages (to be fair, I am usually f

I lived in NYC during the pandemic. It was a very stressful time to be in the city, and I spent a lot of it completely alone. As the restrictions started getting lifted in mid 2022 I decided that it was time to try my hand at dating. My social anxiety had gotten so bad during my break from people and I had gained a ton of weight from stress eating. After catching COVID a few times I was sure that I had permanently destroyed my lungs, but I met a really nice guy on Hinge and we planned a hiking date in upstate New York. He was driving in from Jersey and I took the train up to Cold Springs from Manhattan. I was worried about not being able to hike because I had not engaged in physical activity outside of walking for at least a year. I guess I should have been more afraid of potentially getting murdered, and I was a bit but not enough to not go. The walk from the train to the trailhead winded me and I started to dread the meet up. We started chatting and walking and I needed breaks almost

I started therapy again about two weeks ago. I have had really terrible anxiety for years and very recently experienced a depressive episode that lasted 1.5 years due to extreme burnout. I have always been an overachiever and being in a prolonged depressive state was very difficult for me. I ended up gaining 40 pounds during this period and hit my highest weight ever, 280 pounds. It was bad. My mental and physical health was deteriorating and I was generally unwell.   After taking control of my physical health again post-surgery (May 2023) I felt my mental health improving as well. My new job has been mentally stimulating and I feel fulfilled at work. I also started making plans with my post-work time. I exercise, spend time with friends and family, hike, take classes, volunteer, read, and do fun craft projects. My therapist's notes identify me as a "well-rounded person".   Post-situationship I realized that my mental health was not where it needs to be to engage in a hea

Boy oh boy do I love a spreadsheet! I have a spreadsheet for many things in my life so I decided to create one for my dating life.  The data below includes information from the last 10 dates I've been on (which just so happens to be all the dates I've been on in my adult life). I have been slacking on my two date monthly minimum but I am working on making up for lost time.  My new hobby may result in quarterly updates. I am excited to see the data change over time!  In all seriousness, the real reason I made the spreadsheet is to do some reflection on myself and my approach to dating. I am tracking my behavior, the interactions post date, interesting things I learned about the person, and notes on my own approach to dating. This spreadsheet is a tool for improvement! As a perfectionist I have made it my mission to crack the code on dating and become the world’s best potential girlfriend (kidding). I also want to show my future partner the absolute dating shit show I have gone t

I have been crushing on a guy from the work gym for 2 years now. I see him almost every day because we always park next to each other. I have seen him on multiple dating apps but we have never matched (which should have been my first sign that he is not interested in me). A while back I wet on an intense deep-dive into his life. On this deep dive I accidentally uncovered his freshman year of college Prezi online. (oopies)  Anyway, I think he is so cute and I like that we both have similar educational backgrounds, we both workout, and he is gainfully employed. I have been too nervous to talk to him for the last 2 years but an event occurred in the parking garage in February and I had my in.  Setting the scene: It was an bright and early Tuesday morning. It may have been slushy outside but I don't remember. I pull into my usual spot in the parking garage (backed in by the pole). After backing up I look at my phone for a second and then I heard a sickening crunch. I look up quickly an

I do not typically go on hiking dates for first dates, but I matched with a guy who claimed to be super into hiking. We chatted for a few days after matching and then he asked for my number. He seemed nice enough and I was sold when he said he wanted to bring his dog on the date. We planned to meet at the a trailhead that has options for a few different trails. I was chatting with my sister and looking at the baby geese as I waited for them. It was a windy and chilly Sunday morning and I was looking forward to starting the hike.  We exchanged pleasantries and I met his dog, Moose. I chose the trail that I am most familiar with and we started our journey. Things were a bit awkward right off the bat, but I was determined to not be super judgmental. One mile into the hike he starts to tell me about his heavy weed use. I was like, "oh wow. That's so interesting". Then seconds later he says, "Well, I gotta wazz." Um sir, we had only been on the trail for a few minute

I met my birthday twin at the end of February and things progressed rather ummm... quickly. In the span of two weeks I went from never holding hands with a guy or having my first kiss to much much more.  😬 To be honest, I was not physically attracted to him at first but my parents encouraged me to not be picky and to give him a chance. As I got to know him I really liked his personality. He was nice, funny, smart, and a good listener. The more I liked his personality the more I felt attracted to him. I liked spending time with him and always felt like the time flew by. We hung out pretty regularly for a few weeks and I was convinced that we were going to take the next steps to being in a relationship. I was DELUSIONAL. All the signs were there that he was looking for a good time and not a long time. Unlike coffee shop boy, my birthday twin did not tell me, "I just want you to know going into it don't see it going any further than a fling." His actions, however, said the

When I was in NYC last November I matched with a few guys. One of them was ethically monogamous so I was immediately not interested. The other guy seemed pretty normal. He really wanted to meet up but I had caught a cold from my friends so I was really not up to meeting him in real life. We chatted all day on Sunday and I left Monday morning. I expected to never hear from him again, so imagine my surprise when he called me on Tuesday morning. I texted him and said, "Um... Did you butt dial? Why are you calling me at work? Don't you have a job?" He texted back and said that he meant to call and to call me back during my lunch. I expected to chat for 15 minutes tops, but we ended up chatting for 45 minutes. We talked about religion, soaking, BYU, our favorite episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and movies we both liked. It was a very nice and wholesome conversation until he said, "Do you want to know how I lost my virginity?" I listened politely and at one point I s

Ooooh boy. This date story is a doozy. I matched with a guy on Facebook Dating (I know, don't judge) in early March. We chatted a bit about our love for Costco and loathing for dating apps. He lamented the fact that he has been on dating apps for years but has only been on a few dates. I have learned to be pretty assertive in my brief time on the dating scene so I proposed a date. We made plans for the following weekend. I suggested meeting halfway in Brigham City on a Sunday for a walk and drinkity-drink date.  The date was planned for the same weekend I was having conflicting feelings about my situationship with Idaho/birthday twin guy. (more on that later) The morning of the date the guy texted me, "Now that I have your number I can bother you more easily." I was like ???????? why would you say that? Despite the initial ick I forced myself to get ready. It was Sunday, St. Patrick's day, so I was wearing my festive green hoody. As I drove down to Brigham I stopped

Good dates actually can happen! I also hit the date quota for February! February 23rd I matched with a guy on Tinder (Idaho Guy). He messaged me immediately and asked about my reading prompt (I read 111 books in 2023). I was interested immediately because most guys are super gross in their first message. We chatted about books, libraries, and Avatar the Last Airbender. I asked if he wanted to hang out on the weekend and he said that he had time on Sunday. I also threw in "if you like classical music there is a free concert tonight!". He texted me right away for the information. He told me about his years playing tuba, baritone, and piano.  I told him that I had already invited my little brothers so he would be our fourth wheel. He said he was totally okay with it. My little brothers looked dapper in their matching winter sweaters and I wore my favorite sunflower dress. When I first saw him I loved that he was dressed up as well! He interacted well with my little brothers and

Dating in 2024 is an absolute drag. I have made many connections in the last few months but nothing has really worked out. I have been seeing a guy (Shared Birthday Boy) fairly consistently for the last 3ish weeks, but we are not official. He ghosted me for 24-hours this past weekend, so I took the time to update my dating profiles (FB Dating and Tinder) during the break. My profile is super fun, if I do say so myself.  Pros and Cons of Dating Me:  Pros: I always have snacks in my bag. I am a good listener and I will research the hell out of things you're interested in so I can be more engaging.  I have a Costco membership and I'm always down for a Costco run.  -I can talk about a plethora of topics! Cons: I am allergic to most animals (but I can buy allergy pills in bulk at Costco, haha). I am hyper-independent and over-scheduled so I require at least 2 business days to schedule a date. With the bio update I also posted a few new pictures of myself. I ended up getting 20 match

I have a goal in 2024 to go on two dates a month. January was a bit of a slow month so I only went on one. I matched with a really nice guy from Sri Lanka. He was super sweet and I enjoyed messaging him. I asked him if he wanted to go to a free fitness class with me because the local rec center had a bunch of free classes. He was confused and ended up accidentally standing me up. I started to notice that there was a bit of a language barrier in our texting so I became a little apprehensive about our rescheduled date.  We decided to go to a local pizza shop for the rescheduled date. He ordered 3 slices and we shared them, we chatted for about an hour while we ate. The music was loud and the environment was very distracting. It was also really hard to have a conversation because I was trying to focus on speaking slow. If you know me in real life you will know that I have a very fast speech pattern. All the external distractors combined with trying to focus on keeping things slow and simp

After an abysmal month of dating in January, I recommitted to my goal to go on 2 dates a month for February. On February 10th I matched with an Australian guy. We chatted throughout the day until my accidental 2-hour nap. I woke up at 6:45pm and saw a message from him asking if I wanted to go to a film festival with him. I immediately responded with my number so I could get the ticket and rushed to get ready. I was completely showered and ready to go in 5 minutes and made it to the theater a few minutes after the event started.  He was so sweet and offered his jacket to me because in my mad dash to get out of the house I had forgotten to grab one. I didn't need it because the theater was pretty well heated. We sat close to each other as each of the 2023 Banff Film Festival short films played. At intermission we chatted about art, goals, life, and our aspirations. He told me about Australian slang (water fountains = bubblers) and his life as a digital nomad. He was the perfect gentl

We are coming up on a year since the incident! I finished physical therapy before the new year, and it was very anti-climatic. I didn't pass one of the hop tests at first, but my PT challenged me to try until I got it. I was finally able to pass after trying 5 times! He was going to pass me without it, but I was stubborn and said that i wanted to pass with a 100% or not at all. I have missed going, but I definitely do not miss all the bills haha.  He said that because I was consistent with the exercises that I was able to complete PT way faster than anticipated! I still don't have full range of motion in my left knee, which is only noticeable when I try to put my foot to my butt.