4am Ramblings

 I'm so excited to start teaching next week in New York City. I have been anxiously awaiting my school and subject assignment. Emphasis on "anxiously". You see, I have a problem with relinquishing control. I get anxious when I do not have all the information I may need, or when things do not work out the way I planned, and when I do not have a plan. My experience with Teach for America thus far is teaching me how to recognize this problem, and I am currently working on ways to get better at going with the flow. 

It is interesting how lonely the big city can feel with the other 19.49 million other people bustling around me. You can walk for hours and not have a single human interaction if you want. On the other hand, you can make friends in an instant. I have had so many meaningful conversations with strangers at parks, malls, free events and yes, even public transportation. 

New York City has provided its residents beautifully kept parks. The parks have become my refuge from the craziness in the world. Central Park feels otherworldly to me. I could wander for hours and still never see everything that the park has to offer. There are always people out sharing their talents, and I am here for it. I love listening to the music that fills the park on the weekends and looking at the art that line the sidewalks. Yesterday, I stopped at a pond near the outdoor theater, and found a gorgeous castle (picture at the end of the post). Central Park is magical. 

Today is the day that I will receive my teaching assignment and I literally cannot sleep. I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back to sleep. I'm feeling nervous, my anxiety is making my heart beat unnaturally fast, and my brain is racing. I am also feeling hopeful, excited, and love. I already love my students and don't even know who they are. I am excited to teach them and learn from them as well. I am hopeful that this school year will help me fight my inner-demon, perfectionist Lauren, and help me learn how to accept things I cannot control.