Mental Health (College Edition)
I wanted to take the time to write about a cool experience I had in my last semester at BYU.
I moved a lot when I was in Provo. I am a restless person and I crave change. I decided to move to a new apartment from January-April of 2019. I didn't know the area very well, I didn't know the roommates, but I felt like I should move in.
It was during this time that I was going through the most serious trial of my faith. I had never gotten back into reading the scriptures daily since my mission ended, I pretty much only prayed at meal times (yay habits), and I only ever went to sacrament meeting. I would go to random sacrament meetings every week even when I didn't have to work. I was disconnected from the church. I didn't feel God in my life anymore. Even though I wanted to stop going to church, I could never seem to make a clean break. I kept going through the motions.
One day I was called in to meet with a member of the bishopric. He asked me if I needed anything and I brushed him off, and said everything was fine and that I didn't need help. This man was definitely in-tune with the spirit though, because he kept asking questions that led me to tell him what was going on. He offered to give me a blessing and I reluctantly accepted. In the blessing he talked about things that I had not told him about. He said that I was following the Lords plan for me and that even though I was anxious about moving to New York that it was the right thing to do. I was sobbing. How could this man, who I had never talked to until the moment, possibly know anything about me? He also mentioned in the blessing that I had never told anyone, not even my mom at that point. I had been struggling with suicidal ideation off and on since my mission, but I hadn't sought help for these thoughts.
After the blessing he shared some tips with me that helped him in his battle with anxiety and depression. I have found them to be really helpful, so I wanted to share it with y'all.
These thoughts started on my mission after serving with a particularly difficult companion. I was scared because the thoughts were not my own, but somehow they seemed like they were. After my mission the thoughts would mostly surface when I was driving to work. "You could drive off this bridge or crash into this wall and then everything would be over". It was terrifying. I think the thoughts are triggered by stress. I tried to get help through BYU, especially after I scored alarmingly high on the depression test I took. However, the resources were maxed out by other students and there wasn't an appointment available for a whole semester.
Update:
I wrote this most a year ago in April 2019. I was in a dark spot right before graduating, and I thought I would be happier after starting my career and getting out of Provo. You can take the girl out of a situation but that doesn't necessarily mean that these mental health issues will go away. I was really happy for a couple months. I was super busy doing TFA training, exploring New York City, and attending the local YSA ward. I started working at an alternative middle school in September and it was really difficult at first. The majority of my students come from very difficult family circumstances, I faced verbal assaults on the daily. It was really hard for me emotionally and mentally. I thought about taking my life everyday for the first three months of teaching, and then November hit and everything got darker. My seasonal depression was crushing me. I was barely hanging on. I am in a better place right now. I have really supportive friends who didn't give up on me when I flaked out of social events, or was a dud when I went to social gatherings. I made a really strong connection with Brittany during TFA institute. Her friendship has been a rock of mental health support, emotional connection, and all the other amazing parts of friendship. She shares what she learns in therapy each week, and doesn't push me to get my own therapy, which honestly I should look into again. I am so so so grateful that I am still here. I love my students, and I have learned to approach their behaviors with love and empathy.
I moved a lot when I was in Provo. I am a restless person and I crave change. I decided to move to a new apartment from January-April of 2019. I didn't know the area very well, I didn't know the roommates, but I felt like I should move in.
It was during this time that I was going through the most serious trial of my faith. I had never gotten back into reading the scriptures daily since my mission ended, I pretty much only prayed at meal times (yay habits), and I only ever went to sacrament meeting. I would go to random sacrament meetings every week even when I didn't have to work. I was disconnected from the church. I didn't feel God in my life anymore. Even though I wanted to stop going to church, I could never seem to make a clean break. I kept going through the motions.
One day I was called in to meet with a member of the bishopric. He asked me if I needed anything and I brushed him off, and said everything was fine and that I didn't need help. This man was definitely in-tune with the spirit though, because he kept asking questions that led me to tell him what was going on. He offered to give me a blessing and I reluctantly accepted. In the blessing he talked about things that I had not told him about. He said that I was following the Lords plan for me and that even though I was anxious about moving to New York that it was the right thing to do. I was sobbing. How could this man, who I had never talked to until the moment, possibly know anything about me? He also mentioned in the blessing that I had never told anyone, not even my mom at that point. I had been struggling with suicidal ideation off and on since my mission, but I hadn't sought help for these thoughts.
After the blessing he shared some tips with me that helped him in his battle with anxiety and depression. I have found them to be really helpful, so I wanted to share it with y'all.
- Journal your experiences
- Realize what your triggers are
- Be compassionate with yourself
- Reach out for help
- There is a reason for this experience
- Heavenly Father and Jesus know you
- Eat Healthy
- Don't binge chocolate when you're sad, it only inspires momentary happiness
- Health
- Sleep more
- Be physically active
- Go to counseling
- Go to a doctor (to see if you need a prescription)
These thoughts started on my mission after serving with a particularly difficult companion. I was scared because the thoughts were not my own, but somehow they seemed like they were. After my mission the thoughts would mostly surface when I was driving to work. "You could drive off this bridge or crash into this wall and then everything would be over". It was terrifying. I think the thoughts are triggered by stress. I tried to get help through BYU, especially after I scored alarmingly high on the depression test I took. However, the resources were maxed out by other students and there wasn't an appointment available for a whole semester.
Update:
I wrote this most a year ago in April 2019. I was in a dark spot right before graduating, and I thought I would be happier after starting my career and getting out of Provo. You can take the girl out of a situation but that doesn't necessarily mean that these mental health issues will go away. I was really happy for a couple months. I was super busy doing TFA training, exploring New York City, and attending the local YSA ward. I started working at an alternative middle school in September and it was really difficult at first. The majority of my students come from very difficult family circumstances, I faced verbal assaults on the daily. It was really hard for me emotionally and mentally. I thought about taking my life everyday for the first three months of teaching, and then November hit and everything got darker. My seasonal depression was crushing me. I was barely hanging on. I am in a better place right now. I have really supportive friends who didn't give up on me when I flaked out of social events, or was a dud when I went to social gatherings. I made a really strong connection with Brittany during TFA institute. Her friendship has been a rock of mental health support, emotional connection, and all the other amazing parts of friendship. She shares what she learns in therapy each week, and doesn't push me to get my own therapy, which honestly I should look into again. I am so so so grateful that I am still here. I love my students, and I have learned to approach their behaviors with love and empathy.
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