New York Story: Coffee and a Show

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My faith deconstruction happened when COVID started in 2020. I was experiencing major burn out from grad school, teaching, TFA commitments, and holding 2 callings at church. I decided at the beginning of March 2020 to take a break from the church. Then the pandemic started, and everything went to crap. I tried to participate with the Zoom church meetings, but felt disconnected from the ward. I felt really lonely and didn't know how to process the emotions I was feeling about my religion. I started listening a podcast called Not So Molly Mormon and felt an instant connection to the hosts. They brought a lot of levity and understanding to faith deconstruction and it helped me feel like I wasn't alone. 

A few months after finding the podcast, I listened to an episode that featured a guy named Noah who lived in NYC. At the end of his episode he shared information for an NYC Ex-Mormon Meet Up group that he organized. I immediately found the group and reached out. We set up a meet up in the middle of August at a café, but no one else responded to the event, so it was just the two of us. Since this was August 2021, NYC was still on COVID protocol and people were not allowed to eat inside of restaurants. So being the anxious person I am, I decided to get to the café early to get a table. I sat there for about 30 minutes stewing in my anxiety until Noah showed up.

Noah was super nice but I felt super awkward the whole time. I think my social awkwardness stemmed from being isolated during the pandemic. At that point I had never talked through my faith crisis with anyone but my therapist. Noah was very kind to me even after I started crying. As the conversation started to die out we noticed that a lady was coming toward us. I didn't think much of it, because it was a busy street. However, she captivated my full attention when she pulled her pants down. I looked at Noah in horror as my brain tried to process what was happening. Then the lady started peeing and pooping right next to us. The most horrendous smell permeated the air as the sight of a human sh*t in the street seared itself into my memory. Then the lady pulled her pants up and walked away like nothing happened. 

I looked at him, he looked at me, and then we decided it was time to end the meet up and go home. I was so traumatized that I didn't even listen to music on my way home. My brain was having a hard time processing the whole incident. I am just so glad that I had only had a tea and biscuit because if there was anything else in my stomach, I probably would have thrown up. 

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