The Importance of Being Lauren

Yup. That's right today is my 14th birthday. (I was born on 5-5-95!!! Isn't that awesome?!) I can't believe it! It doesn't feel like it's a year since whining about turning 13!! Anyway so my mom made me a delicious birthday breakfast that consisted of: Pancakes (raspberry, and cinnamon), cantaloupe, mini sausages, and hash browns!! It was all so good! And then my brothers and sister decorated my bed so when I woke up I was confused, and they decorated a birthday chair for me!!! I LOVE my family!! Yesterday I was talking to two girls in Kung-Fu named Diana, and Briana (they're sisters) and telling them about my birthday. I kept laughing because they were saying," Girl, you're going to need a walker, and dentures for your birthday presents this year......because you're old !!!" Then all the girls started telling me how old I looked to them. Briana said "15". Caterpillar said "25". And Diana said "400"! I told them I ...

I can't seem to hold in my craziness/weirdness anytime, but it seems like when I eat it gets worse. So the only thing I had working in my favor when my family went to Golden Corral Saturday was my table manners........ The Good Part: Uh....I didn't eat anything that made me feel sick, and I got perfectly cooked Brussels sprouts. (Ooh. Are you jealous? Yeah, I didn't think so.) The Bad Part: I went up for dessert, and as usual I couldn't decide because everything looked good. After a couple minutes of careful consideration of each option I went with the banana pudding. (It was fresh, and I saw the lady make it. And it looked really good.) So I walked up and the moment I grabbed the spoon the Twinkies slogan popped into my head, and refused to stay inside. I thought that I was safe because I didn't see anyone around me so I opened my mouth and said," Where's the cream filling? Now that's the stuff... Hostess !" I did the voice and everything!!!! I d...

Bad News: The Art Museum trip was cancelled yesterday due to bad weather. *sniffle* Good News: It's cold again!!! I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am not to sweat when I go outside!!!! Now since I don't have an excuse to skip Blogging I gift you with this story: A couple minutes ago while all my siblings and I were sprawled across my moms bed my sister Monkey started chanting,"Frijoles! Frijoles! Frijoles!" I was puzzled to why she would be saying that repeatedly so I said,"Uh. Do you know that "Frijoles" means beans?" " Really ?" She asked incredulously. "I thought it meant tacos or something....." *me shaking my head in disbelief* Different Story: Caterpillar: That's a bloody lie!! Mom: The lie is bleeding? Me: Yes. It's no longer white.

Last Friday I went to volunteer at the elementary schools Valentine's Party. I had a good time, and the kids were really funny..... 1st Grade Class Party: The first grade classes were doing Valentine Card Scrapbooks for their project. (I liked that better then the " Caterpillar Of Love " thing the third graders did) I helped this one little boy who was uninterested in doing anything other than his Transformers Puzzle Valentine card he had gotten from a friend. As I was "helping" him glue things into his book he looked up and asked,"Why are you wearing nail polish? You're a boy!!!!" I just about fell over in surprise. I looked at the boy, laughed, and then told him,"Well, actually I'm a girl." "Really?" asked the boy. "Yes, really. I promise I am not lying to you!!!" I replied smiling and still laughing on the inside. I finished helping the boy, and then we moved on to the game. You wouldn't believe how many f...

The first time I had ever heard the term,"I work Graveyards" was at my friend Whitney's Blog. When I saw that I thought,"Whitney? Really? I never thought that she would ever work around dead people. That doesn't really sound like something she would do....." I proceeded to think about what exactly you would do if you worked Graveyards and these are the things I came up with: Security guard (to prevent grave robbers from um..robbing), grave digger, and grave robber (No, Whitney I didn't think you were any of these things. They were just ideas). Sadly before I could Wiki it the Internet stopped working. So then I figured that Whitney was a Security guard at the grave yard (that didn't seem likely, but it had a better possibility then the rest), and that was the end of it. I didn't think about it again until I was with my mom and I heard someone else use that term on the radio. I finally decided to ask my mom what exactly "Working Graveyards...

Buster: Man , that kid is butt ugly! Me: Buster, stop looking at yourself in the mirror!!! Buster: *gasp* Oh, Sunbum that was really mean..... Later after the rest of us had recovered from laughing a pouty Buster stated sullenly to me,"You know I was talking about the boy on the cover of that book on the counter......Wait a minute....You're Blogging this aren't you?!!!" I laughed lightheartedly and proceeded to open Blogger, so I could Blog about it......

Behold, the latest dorky thing that I have done.......... Cameo and I were partners for our Young Women class a couple weeks ago, and the lesson was on "How To Be In The World, Not Of It". So each group had to choose a scroll and read the problem on it, and then come up with a solution. I was still embarrassed from something I had said earlier so Cameo went up and got our scroll, when she came back she whispered,"I have a good feeling about this one, it was totally calling out to me!" As she was unrolling it my heart sank when I saw the title was "Chastity and Virtue".... I chose to go last because I had to read about "Chastity". My face was burning when I got up to the front and started reading. I wasn't paying attention to the things that I was reading and I started to let my mind wander, and then I heard myself say,"You should not commit " sexual transmissions "!" That's when I heard the gasps, and then the burst of...

This all started while I was feeling sad because Ross didn't have any emo shoes in stock!! Through my sorrow I noticed that I didn't know where my family was, so I started walking around trying to find them. (Not that it's hard to) I was looking down each of the aisle trying to find everybody when I saw her !! She was an older woman, obviously from Hispanic descent, she was um....a heavier set lady. Honestly it wasn't her that I saw......It was her tight gold shirt that had some very interesting letters on it! Across the saggyness right above her belly it read," Sexy !" in rhinestone letters!!!!!! (See I told you very, very interesting ......) I cannot lie! I laughed so hard I fell over on the floor, and then of course I had to share this moment with my mom. She acted very stealthy while taking a sneaky peek down the aisle, sadly her stealthiness was ruined when she came back and started laughing with me. Then she was wondering why in the world would she we...

Once a very long time ago this happened to me. This story is probably old enough to have "Once Upon a Time" in the beginning......I promise!! The picture above is from one of my least favorite movies otherwise known as Willy Wonka . It's not that it wasn't good , I just didn't like the singing Oompa Loompas and weird chocolate tunnel scenes. I had nightmares about them for months after I watched the movie! Violet Beauregarde was one of my favorite characters from that movie so one day I decided to try what she did to perserve her gum. That's right I stuck it right behind my ear before I went to bed one night. When I arose in the morning I did not remember it so I started my day as usual. Though as soon as I got to the bathroom mirror the memory hit me. You can probably guess what happened next.....First my mom got mad at me, second I was forbidden to chew gum ever again, and last and least painful some of my hair had to be cut off. Just when I thought I co...

In my church classes I might be considered a "Nerd" by the other kids. I answer most of the questions, take notes, and thank the teachers after every lesson for preparing it for us. Sometimes though I say or ask off the wall, crazy, goofball things that makes everybody laugh at me. (Note that I say something crazy every week no exception.) Well I guess I'm half "Class Clown" and half "Nerd" how interesting......This is just one of the dorky outburst from yesterday: Beehive Teacher: Okay you read Isaiah, and you (Cameo) read Jeremiah, and you Mosiah. Monkey: Um....What scripture did you say for Cameo? Teacher: Jeremiah. Monkey: What did you say? Teacher again: I said Jeremiah.....This is where I sang," Was a bullfrog!!" Then there was silence for one small moment,and then there was a burst of laughter that came out of every mouth in the room. I'm very glad that my teacher just laughed along with the rest of us. *Hm...Actually I'm p...

One of my bad habits is that when I talk I get distracted very easily, and then I say things that I really don't mean. This is the most recent incident....."Oh, really that's horrible? My grandfather died from a haircut also!!" Then everybody in the car that I was in started laughing hysterically, and then I realized what I had said. Sadly it was too late to correct myself.....Last week at Mutual one of the girls said to another who wasn't there the day of my embarrassing mistake,"Yeah. Well Sunbum's grandfather died of a haircut!! *giggle* I wonder how bad it was....." Of course the other girl almost wet her pants from laughing so hard much to my horror then everyone else wanted to no what was so funny. Yes, yet again everybody laughs at me and not with me. They laugh, and laugh, and laugh until it grows old, and I say something else dorky that they can laugh at...... *What I meant to say was "heartattack". And in my defence I was still th...

I saw the Valedictorian at the library last Friday! I remembered her from the article that I read in the local newspaper about her achievements, and that she volunteered at the library. Yes, I know I'm a nerd for reading the paper, knowing who the Valedictorian is, and knowing her academic plans for the future. I excitedly whispered to my mom,"That's her, that's her!! The Valedictorian!!" My mom told me that I should congratulate her because I would love it if somebody did it to me. Then she started quoting,"Do unto others as...." That's where I rudely interuppted and walked over to her and stammered,"Um....Hi...I saw you in the newspaper, and I think that being Valedictorian is really awesome! So congragulations!" She and I both looked embarrassed but she still said "thanks", and then we parted. After that I bragged to my siblings that I talked to the Valedictorian! As you could probably guess they were really jealous of me......

One day I was teasing one of the girls in my class about being so White and Nerdy , while she was teasing me about being a Graham Cracka! Just as we started to break out some Weird Al awesomeness these two girls came up behind us. We didn't want to completely embarrass ourselves by singing in front of people we didn't even know so we stopped and waited for them to leave. We were just waiting "patiently" when we heard them say this...... Girl 1 : Ow! You pushed me!! Girl 2 : Well you were supposed to stand Steadfast and Immovable ! Girl 1: *giggle* *snort* That was so funny. Girls 1&2: Exit the scene laughing and repeating everything that just happened. White and Nerdy and I turned and looked at each other with our mouths agape. I told her,"I'm sorry but you have just lost your title of White and Nerdy , and I now award it to them ." She said,"I'm going to have to agree with you Graham Cracka ." And then we walked away stumped on what...

One day as our dad cooked dinner and my sisters and I were setting the table we decided that like Snow White's annoying 'whistle while you work' admonition we also needed something to do while we worked. Suddenly without a word of warning all us girls suddenly burst out singing ' Clothes Off' by Gym Class Heroes. Dad was horrified! As we all shoulder shook, and sang into our forks he just shook his head at our craziness and went back to cooking.... I would like to see Snow White and her animal posse do that. "We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time, oh no......"

Last week for my Young Women activity we learned how to cook. Apparently cooking macaroni from a box, and frozen tortellini doesn't count as actually cooking. I was sorely disappointed about that. We learned how to cook chicken noodle soup, biscuits, and chocolate-covered peanut butter balls. It wasn't the healthiest meal ever but it tasted good, and the girls didn't lick their fingers while cooking so that added another point to the quality of the food. While we were eating some of the girls were arguing about whether a tomato is a fruit or not. One girl stated in a pompous tone,"Well tomatoes have seeds so that means they're fruits. So I'm right." I turned averting my attention from eating for a second and said," Hm . I'm the fruit of my mothers loins so that means I'm a fruit too! Wow! Isn't that amazing?" Most of the girls fell into fits of laughter, while Ms. Pompous rolled her eyes at me. It was totally awesome.

The other day my dad got one of those ad letters in the mail. It read, "You've won the grand prize! You can choose between a Porsche, or a Mustang!! Congratulations!!!" I thought he meant porch so I asked,"Why don't they just give you the whole house?" Then Monkey said," Yeah . Wait, is it a front porch or a back porch?" My dad looked disgusted and he told us that a Porsche is a car, and that people don't usually give away porches . See I learn new and interesting things everyday. *sigh* At least it happened at home so nobody else had to suffer through that horrible ordeal.

Yesterday we finally finished working on the front yard! And I'm very excited about it. Before we finished Monkey, and I were talking while we weeded the big planter. Monkey was telling me about a girl in her class that can mimic all the characters on Napoleon Dynamite. I was laughing and quoting Tina's moment in the casserole spotlight until mom who was a couple feet away from me asked what I was talking about and I told her," Hello mom, you can't interrupt me while I'm talking about lama-eating casserole." I had meant to say casserole eating-lama, but whatever it didn't come out that way. As you can probably guess I was taken over by my laughing. After my laughter had died down, and I could see and talk clearly again my mom said to me,"If there was a lama-eating casserole you wouldn't be allowed in a petting zoo ." She said that they would tell me,"Sorry ma'am but that casserole is a danger to our lamas so you'll have to lea...

On Tuesday I saw the most interesting thing while I was weedin g the front yard. Needless to say I couldn't resist Blogging about it. As Caterpillar, and I sat pouting about being subjected to the dread chore of weeding, and making a game where we each took turns telling each other how much we despise weeds when our neighbors garage door started opening. After it so rudely interrupted our pity party, I turned around and saw pink Van's walking toward the opening door, I was going to be nice and say,"Hi, Mrs. K." but I stopped for a moment and waited until she came out and then I saw," Oh. Um...That's not Mrs. K, it's her son Nathaniel !" I have no idea why I stopped before I said it, but I'm very glad I did. And that it didn't become one of my many embarrassing moments. After that close call I sat in ants on accident. Yeah, Caterpillar and I had ants in our pants, and up our legs! Then we danced around the yard trying to get them out. ...

Warning:This post contains an atrocious name, and mention of Hepatitis numerous times. A couple years ago our home school choir did a "Patriotic themed presentation". Everybody dressed accordingly, I wore my special patriotic visor that says " Princess Sunbum !" All the families were required to bring cookies. Needless to say there was a butt load of them. After the show was finished I went to go and snack with my friend Hannah Banana, and her friend Francisca. Alright, I don't remember the girls name. I guess I could have given her a better name but I'd rather not. As we were eating Francisca's brother ran up to us and told her,"This cookie is gross. I don't want it. Do you?" She took it, she took one bite, and made a nasty face. Then she turned to Hannah Banana and handing her the cookie. Hannah surprised me by taking a bite too! I couldn't contain my disgust and I said,"Hannah! By sharing food that other people have already bi...

This is proof that not only am I "emo" I'm also very, very dorky! I have read the book "Surviving Antarctica" many times. So I know the story by heart. In one part a boy named Robert, and his family had to eat moccasins to survive the harsh times. I thought they were talking about the shoes, I never really ever gave that a thought again. Well until a couple months ago when I was learning about snakes, in the middle of the page I saw that moccasins are poisonous kind of snake! Then I remembered the book and asked myself," Hm...Were they eating snakes, or shoes?" I couldn't decide. So I asked my Mom. This is what she said," Did you really believe that they were eating their shoes?! *hysterical laughing* Wait aren't moccasins poisonous?" I rolled my eyes, and read it again. It was snakes! (I could never eat either of those things, I think I would die eating it! Would you be able to handle it?)